Yep I did it. After all the hate I have for that app/social media I joined because of the BDJ Revlon make up tutorial. Hopefully I win the raffle. And for shameless plugging my user id is mitchiwashere lolz
Lately, I realized that I gave up wanting too much. Or maybe I’m not the kind of the person who want things desperate enough. Funny thing is I gave up when I’m close to achieving my desires. I wonder if it is the fear of being successful or the fear that I I don’t know what will happen next. I’ve been drifting too much. I’m scattered. I wish I can focus more just like before. I want to be a woman of passion but I think I’m too lazy for that. I have to learn again how to meditate. I’m good at that I guess. I just need to empty myself and put things in order. And lastly I should stop hating myself. I’m just too angry at everything maybe it’s a reflection of how I hate what I’ve become or what I have not become.
This is a long list. Oh well maybe not. I just want to keep track of things that happened to me so that I will be more grateful. :)
(This is based on my Belle De Jour Power Planner)
01: New Year’s day and we’re just having family lunch and then my mother suddenly felt ill. She was groggy and then she became restless. Being a medically-inclined member of the family I was still panicky. She refused to be brought to the hospital but my relatives came over and then we then we rushed her to ER. Her blood sugar and blood pressure skyrocketed but that was just a result of some infection. They did a lot of work-up on her ( 10 extractions and 1 angiogram), I was so scared to see how fragile she can be. Good thing the angiogram was normal. No clogged vessels or whatsoever. After four days we’re out of the hospital. Thank Heavens I have insurance and she’s under my wing.
14-16: I’m three days absent because of sore throat. First occurrence of the year and I’m actually thinking of getting rid of my tonsils.
25: Santi and I went to B-side for Papa Dom’s tribute and then we headed to Grace office just to hang out. It was one of the coolest office I’ve ever been to. Unlimited drinks and non-employee can hang out. It was just super fun.
01: We had a small post Chinese New Year party slash home blessing because my office mate Athan has a new place.I love gourmet home cooking. After that we watched Rak of Aegis play. VIP House tickets courtesy of Fringemag. Perks of being a media partner and having a friend who has connections. lolz I wish I can write reviews more but I’m too lazy for that.
07: Dampa- Team J’ breakfast
15: LoveNot- I went with my friends and it was the first time they met my lover. lelz It was awkward but the interactive play was just so out-of the-box and a memorable experience that I let of go whatever mixed emotions that I have that night. It was nice to be true and hell yeah nobody ever judged.
22: It’s my first time in BGC. hahaha We watched Sana Dati at Fully Booked. I spent three hours from Manila to Makati to McKinley. I really hate Makati.
23-24: It’s been a while since I had shoot with my friends.We booked an overnight stay at one of the condotels in Pasay. It was more of a girl night out plus makeup tutorial rather than a shoot. We hope to do this more often.
09: I met milovers friends. Well, I feel really awkawrd but they were nice so yeah we hang out and drive.
09-17: Spent my days binge-watching Breaking Bad. Five years worth of series and I finished it in just 1 1/2 week. After that I questioned a lot of things and became really depressed.
14: Milover was rushed to the ER. This was the fifth confinement ever since we became an item. It was just frustrating that we strive so much to work but are health was depreciating. Graveyard shift is really hazardous to oneself. We need to put much effort to be healthy because there’s no choice left unless we like to suffer. But are attempts fell short.
23: Grace came to aid and we talked about the feels and all that shizz. Actually the free meal cured me. lolz
28: Gaddiel was born. My brother’s baby. I have a new nephew and he’s the next adorable thing I laid my eyes on next to Gabriel about almost 7 years ago.
29: SNR pizza pigged out then I met up with a nice blogger who sold her fisheye2 camera to me.
31: Tomorrow is my Silver Birthday. Yeah April Fools! I’m hoping for the best. I know things would be better for my family and my career.
So I’ll be turning 25 years old this April 1st and it makes me crazy day by day. I know it’s just another day but hell I’m a quarter of a century already. I still don’t know what is my one great thing. But I have a vague idea of it. The only thing that hinders me or separate me from achieving that life goal is because I procrastinate. Grrrr I must be persistent and desperate because that’s the only way I know to be successful.
Lately I’m trying to get in touch with some close friends because I’ve been revolving my life with my lover. They say when you fall in love you lose a friend or two. I lost my community. I left. Making my lover my world is so unhealthy. It’s not really a good thing at all. It consumes me to the point that I feel that I’m hazardous to myself. I’m becoming self-absorbed and one helluva selfish bitch. Seriously. I never imagined myself to be like that and I feel guilty at all because that’s not me. That’s not what I’m aware of. Perhaps I did change along the way but I should do some counter actions. At work I curse a lot and I’m so angry. If you have known me before I am very patient and people like to share their secrets because I’m a good listener and they just trust me
(that’s according to them). And they still do but nowadays I feel like I cannot genuinely listen to their rants because I’m too disturb and at the back of my mind I want to scream and tell them to listen to me just for once.
I need to relax but sometimes I succumb too much to these emotions. I don’t go out and just wallow on my feelings. I really wish to be okay soon.